


Will I Be Whole Again

by shotforthesky



Series: Malec Prompts [5]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: 2x20 AU, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-20
Updated: 2017-08-20
Packaged: 2018-12-17 22:59:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11861406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shotforthesky/pseuds/shotforthesky
Summary: Prompt #5: Clary asked Raziel to bring back her mother and not Jace. Alec arrives at the scene too late and is crying over Jace's body when Magnus shows up to comfort him. The two have an impromptu memorial for Jace.





	Will I Be Whole Again

**Author's Note:**

> Clary asked Raziel to bring back her mother and not Jace. Alec arrives at the scene too late and is crying over Jace's body when Magnus shows up to comfort him. The two have an impromptu memorial for Jace. I hope this is good? I'd write it myself but I feel you're better than me at angst  
> I wrote this instead of doing physics  
> Read on [tumblr](http://shotfortheskyy.tumblr.com/post/164420544784/prompt-request-angst-warning-au-clary-asked)

When Clary drew the blade across her palm, she barely knew what she was doing. Adrenaline pulsed through her body, controlling her. She looked down at the crimson water before her focus turned back to Raziel.

“Angel-blooded one…” His voice boomed around the lake.

Panic filled her body as one thought came across her mind, _What if I just condemned the Downworld to death?_

“I don’t want the Downworlders to die!” She cried, praying the Angel would grant her wish over Valentine’s, “Please, you can’t let them die! I want another wish!”

The Angel was silent for a moment, causing a spike of fear to stab her in the chest. _Am I too late?_

“You may compel me to one action, Clarissa Morgenstern. What is it that you ask?”

“You know my name?”

“Concern yourself not with what I know but rather what can be. If you have a desire, ask me now. And be wise, I will grant but one.”

Clary blinked in relief, her shoulders relaxing. She looked back at Jace, her eyes filled with tears. She could ask for him back, she could ask that the powers of the Heavens revive him. Her heart squeezed in her chest. She thought back to the words Raziel used. Desire. She had a desire. A guilty, _guilty_ desire. She closed her eyes for a second and turned back to Raziel.

“My mother,” a tear slipped down her cheek. “Can you bring Jocelyn Fairchild back?”

She longed for her mother more than anything. To speak to her, to hug her, to laugh with her. They had just started to connect again, they had just started to understand each other. Then the demon took it all away.

“If that is what you desire.”

“It-it is,” she choked out, hands clasped together tightly.

The Angel disappeared with a blinding flash, leaving Clary to stand in silence, eyes desperately searching for a sign that it worked, that her mother was alive. The lake exploded in front of her. Her mother’s head surfaced, gasping for breath.

“Mom!” She shouted, bringing the woman’s attention to her.

“Clary!”

She let out a small laugh, a sigh of relief leaving her as she waded towards her, throwing her arms around Jocelyn. Her mother clutched her tightly, one hand pressed to the back of her head, tangling in her hair, and the other wrapped around her waist. She’s alive.

The reunion was interrupted by a choking noise and the rustle of leaves. She turned back to the shore to see Alec, Izzy, and Magnus. Izzy was in Magnus’ arms, her face pale, tears on her cheeks. Clary watched as Alec took a step forward, one after another, body trembling, until her reached Jace’s cold body. The hunter collapsed to the ground next to him, sobs wracking his body. Alec grabbed Jace’s hands in his, shaking violently as he pressed his forehead to them.

“I told you to be careful,” Alec finally managed to gasp out, “This isn’t careful. Wake _up_ , Jace, _please_.”

Izzy and Magnus slowly approached him from behind, Isabelle slowly lowering herself down next to Alec, wrapping her arms around him and crying into his shirt. Magnus had pressed against Alec’s other side, head on his shoulder, hand stroking his hair. Clary watched the Lightwoods with a heavy heart, guilt eating away at her with every sob she heard.

\-----

“Alexander, it’s time.”

Alec turned around, red eyes resting on Magnus. He couldn’t help but wince. The warlock was covered in white, body devoid of any shade of color. It hurt Alec to look at him, the vibrant man draped in the color of mourning. Magnus must’ve noticed the look on his face because he bit his lip and took a step forward, extending a hand to Alec.

“Does it ever get easier?” Alec voice was small and wavering, as if he would start to cry again. Magnus knew he wouldn’t. Alec hadn’t shed a tear since they brought Jace’s body back to the Institute two days ago.

Magnus looked down at their joined hands, another wave of sadness rushing over him. “I knew two Parabatai once, one broken and the other doomed to die,” He saw Alec flinch. “The one who was sick became a Silent Brother, it was the only way to save his life, but he lived through the loss of his Parabatai. He still felt it. I believe it did get easier for him, he became less focused on the loss of his brother and more on the joy of his life and how grateful he felt to have known him. But my dear Alexander, you will never stop feeling Jace’s loss. It’s part of it.”

Alec lowered his head and nodded. He slowly rose to his feet, hand clutching at Magnus’ even tighter than before.

“I’m ready.”

\-----

Alec didn’t let go of Magnus’ hand as they entered the room. The feeling of Magnus’ skin against him was the only thing keeping him together. Magnus guided him towards the table where Jace lay, wrapped in a sheer white cloth. He stood behind it with Magnus and the rest of his family, facing the small crowd of Shadowhunters and Downworlders. His eyes fluttered over the different people. Imogen Herondale. Aline Penhallow. Maia. Simon. Luke. Even Raphael.

His eyes rested on Clary. Her face was red, tears glinting in the lights. She was standing with her mother. Her recently revived mother. Alec tried to push away the feeling of jealousy. She got her mother back and in turn, he lost Jace. He felt like the Angel was playing tricks with him. This is what he got.

Magnus seemed to sense something was wrong and he put his other hand on Alec’s forearm, squeezing it slightly. Alec ripped his eyes away from Clary and looked at him, a small smile of gratitude flickering on his face.

A Silent Brother’s voice boomed across the room, “Those remaining will take their place with the fallen. Those remaining will say the names of the fallen.”

Alec closed his eyes, his other hand finding Izzy’s. The Lightwoods looked at each other before saying, “Jace Herondale.”

_“Ave atque vale.”_

**Author's Note:**

> request stuff or chat with me on [tumblr](http://shotfortheskyy.tumblr.com/)


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